I wanted to make sure I placed something for you to read on this subject. Like you I have also experienced grief and loss that has impacted my life. I think you'll find this blog very interesting and something that will enable you to heal from the past.
H. Norman Wright
(Isaiah 53: 3, 4)
Whether it’s loss of a job, friends, home, status, a loved one,
or a pet, all people experience loss in one way or another,
to one degree or another. Loss can make us bitter or better. Unfortunately, no one likes to talk about it very much. People seem to have an unspoken agreement with others not to talk about their losses. At times, they are not even aware of some of their losses, for the effect of the loss is very minor. Other losses, however, are felt very deeply and affect them for a lifetime. How people respond to their losses and how they allow those losses to affect them can make a difference for the rest of their lives.
Whenever loss occurs, it is important to see it in the correct perspective so they can understand the full impact of what has happened. They must identify how the current loss impacts their present lives, as well as its effect on their thoughts about the future. Loss is not the enemy, but avoiding or ignoring a loss is. Trying to avoid a loss by hiding the feelings will only cause problems in other areas—emotionally, spiritually, or physically. Dealing with loss in a healthy manner can be a major avenue to growth and life-transforming change. With each loss comes the potential for growth, insight, and understanding. Since these results are not immediate, people often fail to see these future blessings. But they must move forward. And the way to move on is to grieve. Grief is defined as “intense emotional suffering caused by loss, disaster, misfortune, etc.; deep sadness.” The word is derived from a Latin verb meaning “to burden.” Mourn is defined as “to feel and express sorrow.” Mourning is the expression of grief. Grieving is like entering the valley of shadows. Grief is not fun. It is painful. It is work. It is a lingering process, often taking one to three years for significant losses. It is necessary, however, in order to deal with all kinds of loss in a healthy manner. A multitude of emotions are involved in the grief process. Many of these emotions seem to conflict with one another. With loss can come bitterness, emptiness, numbness, apathy, love, guilt, sadness, fear, disorientation, self-pity, and helplessness. When people grieve, they experience their loss psychologically through feelings, thoughts, and attitudes, socially as they interact with others, and physically as it affects their health. Grief encompasses a number of changes. It appears differently at various times, and it comes and goes in people’s lives. It is a normal, predictable, expected, and healthy reaction to a loss. Grief is each individual’s personal experience and manner of dealing with any kind of loss—no matter how minor or severe it may appear to others. Grief is not just an event; it is a process. Grief has several stages, although they are not necessarily experienced in exact order, nor does one stage have to be completed before a person moves on to the next stage. The first stage is denial or shock. Intellectually, the bereaved may comprehend what has happened, but their emotions may not experience the pain yet; they may feel numb. The second stage is when they can release their emotions, often in the form of anger toward others. They may even get angry with God. Grieving people become preoccupied with memories of what has been lost and they may withdraw for a time. The third stage involves wrestling with feelings of guilt and anger. They beat themselves up emotionally as they blame themselves for not somehow preventing the loss. They feel disorganized and don’t know how to move on with life. Often some level of depression may set in as they become more apathetic toward life in light of the loss. The fourth stage is acceptance of the loss. Reorganizing their lives, filling new roles, and reconnecting with those around them are all healthy and important facets of the healing process. A key part of this process is the ability to learn how to feel and express the pain more truly without denial and avoidance. It helps for grieving people to have true friends who will stay with them and support them emotionally. It is important for these friends to allow the grieving person to experience all of the different intense emotions of the grieving process. Such friendships will ultimately help the person who has experienced the loss to reorganize and reconnect with the world. The Bible has much to say about both loss and grief. People who experience loss, as well as those who come alongside them, can gain wisdom to help them through the grieving process. Psalm 23 tells of God comforting those who walk through the “valley of the shadow of death.” During the darkest hours of mourning, God never abandons His people. Isaiah 53 describes the suffering of our Savior. He experienced loss and grief so that He could understand our humanity and die in our place. He was despised and rejected, “a Man of sorrows and acquainted with grief. . . . He was wounded for our transgressions, He was bruised for our iniquities; the chastisement for our peace was upon Him, and by His stripes we are healed” (Is. 53:3, 5). Although loss and grief are common, no amount of technology or experience can make the grieving process any easier. The hard news is that the only road to true healing is through the grief process. The good news is that God travels that road with us. Other passages to study about the issue of grief/loss include: ã Ruth 1:5–22
ã Ecclesiastes 3:4
ã Isaiah 61:1–3
ã Jeremiah 31:12, 13
ã John 14:1; 16:16–22
ã 2 Corinthians 1:3–7
ã 1 Thessalonians 4:13, 14
To learn more see: The Soul Care Bible: Experiencing and Sharing Hope God’s Way This article is Copyright © 2001 by the American Association of Christian Counselors
